About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

February 2, 2012

After Six Months

     Stella's six month heaven anniversary was harder for me that I thought it would be.  I woke up thinking of her and she was on my mind all day.  At church, two of the songs that were sung were from her funeral service.  I tried to sing the first one and couldn't.  It was all I could do to not openly weep during church.  Then the last song was another one.  I busied my self putting Eliot's church toys away to distract myself from crying.  I was just missing her so much already and those songs brought me back to her funeral.  I thought about how hard it was to let her go and especially to watch them close the casket knowing I would never see her in the flesh again.  We lit a candle for Stella and said a quick prayer after church.  Fr. Connor had mass and he greeted us as we left, shook our hands and asked how the Cramer's were doing.  Then he said, "Happy 6 months".  I was so touched that he remembered.  We are part of a large parish and it made me realize how much Stella had impacted him as well.  After that, I lost it.  I couldn't contain my tears and they started before we were out of church.  I cried all the way home and then some more.  Jordec, Eliot and I hugged and we just missed Stella. 
     Our friends came over later on and we had a great time just being in the company of each other.  Two of the kids that came made beautiful flowers for Stella on her half birthday.  We received a few cards too that just helped us realize how much Stella is remembered and thought about.  That is all we could ever ask and hope for.  Thank you to all who remembered us on her six months and on the other days as well.

Blest Are They

Blest are they, the poor in spirit; theirs is the kingdom of God.
Blest are they, full of sorrow; they shall be consoled.

Refrain: Rejoice, and be glad! Blessed are you, holy are you!
Rejoice and be glad! Yours is the kingdom of God!

Blest are they, the lowly ones: they shall inherit the earth.
Blest are they, who hunger and thirst; they shall have their fill.

Blest are they, who show mercy; mercy shall be theirs.
Blest are they, the pure of heart; they shall see God!

Blest are they, who seek peace; they are the children of God.
Blest are they who suffer in faith; the glory of God is theirs.

Blest are you, who suffer hate, all because of me.
Rejoice and be glad, yours is the kingdom of God; shine for all to see.

City of God

Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep!
A new day is dawning for all those who weep.
The people in darkness have seen a great light.
The Lord of our longing has conquered the night.

Refrain: Let us build the city of God.
May our tears be turned into dancing.
For the Lord our light and our love has turned the night into day.

We are sons of the morning; we are daughters of day.
The One who has loved us has brightened our way.
The Lord of all kindness has called us to be
a light for all people to set their hearts free.

God is light; in God there is no darkness.
Let us walk in the light. God's children one and all.
O comfort my people make gentle your words,
proclaim to my city the day of her birth.

O city of gladness now lift up your voice,
proclaim the good tidings that all may rejoice.
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