About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

November 23, 2011

Thankfulness

    I am thankful for so many things in my life but I am most thankful for all of the love in my life.  Love has helped us through our journey with Stella.  Love from my husband, my son, my family and friends, and from God, has allowed me to be able to grieve in peace.  I am able to grieve the loss of Stella while not feeling alone.  Although they don't understand what I am going through, I know that my family and friends love me.  That is enough to get me through rough days and to allow me to smile and laugh on the good days.  Mostly, I am thankful that Stella is a part of my life.  Notice how I didn't use the past tense there.  Stella is a part of my everyday life.  Some days it is an all day dwelling of memories of Stella and other days it is a fleeting happy thought of her.  No matter what, I believe that she will be a part of my everyday life in one way or another and I am so grateful for that.  In having Stella, I now know the meaning of true love.  I feel that I have an inkling of what God felt to give up His Son for us.  I feel connected to so many more people even though I cannot be connected physically to Stella.  Her life and her memory has changed me.  I think I am changed in a positive way in that I am grateful for everyone's life.  I cherish my family more than I ever have and I love them actively.   Reach out to people in your life and love them with purpose.  God bless!
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