Eliot is turning three. It is hard to believe that he is three but yet I feel that somehow he should be older. Those of you that know Eliot know what I am talking about. He acts much older than he is and he has been through more that a lot of three year old's. The amazing way that he communicates about Stella shows me that he is mature beyond his years. Today was such an amazing example of how grown up he can act. He behaved so well all day and, for the second day in a row, we had a blast together and I really could appreciated what a wonderful boy he is. I was in the moment with him again today and I want these days to continue.
I feel that Stella was with us today as we were having a great time and that it was partly because of her. Thank you for that Stella! We wish you were here with us but I will take your heavenly influence on my life any day of the week! Feel free to give me more days like today. I love you so much little girl. I know that I miss you but that, at least for today, I am happy that you are in heaven and not suffering here on earth or that we are not suffering while watching you struggle with life. It was hard when you struggled for breath in the last moments of your life. I am thankful that you are done with that and that you are at peace. I hope to find my own peace and contentment while I live out my life here on earth. Until we meet again, precious daughter! Mommy loves you!
If you have great hope and desire for peace and I believe that it will come to you. Patience really is a virtue and it is one that we can practice. Today I was in a positive place where I could practice that patience and I truly believe that was one of the reasons that my day was so wonderful. My patience with Eliot allowed for both of us to be in better moods. Small things that we can do every day can make big differences in our life. It is hard to make big changes and it is hard to fix the big picture but we can change it one frame at a time and in turn the whole movie can be changed. Grief is like that. It can be so overwhelming to deal with but if we can focus on one small aspect of it at a time, then grief can be something that we can work with. My small piece that I am working on right now is my patience. Since all emotions are heightened during grief, patience can be a great asset in dealing with any other emotion. I know it helped me today. Pick something small and stick with it for awhile and see if it helps you. Maybe it is to get 8 hours of sleep. Maybe it is to make sure to brush your teeth every day. It may sound silly to some, but when you are in deep grief it is hard to remember to do normal everyday things. Right after we found out about Stella's diagnosis, I couldn't seem to remember to eat. If my husband and family weren't here to remind me, I might not have eaten for days. So pick something, anything, and take it one day at a time. I can do it. You can do it. God bless!
