About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

November 7, 2011

Down Day

     I had a down day today.  For no particular reason I just lacked motivation to do anything today.  I even had to make myself eat.  I wasn't sad, but just apethetic about anything.  I had some anger, but not directed towards anything.  It was more of a short fuse than anything and I was easily irritable today.  I don't have these days very often but they sure drain the energy out of me.  I distracted my thoughts today which helped my mood a bit and gave me some patience with Eliot but that came in short bursts only.  I really don't like these days as it makes for a wasteful day.  Nothing gets done on these days and I don't like that waste.  I don't really have much else to say.  That is also the nature of a day like today, I don't feel like talking much.  What gives me some contentment is knowing that tomorrow will be better.  That is grief, everyday is different.  Sometimes good, sometimes bad, and like today, sometimes you just have to get through to tomorrow.  Prayers for all of you out there and please pray for me too.  God bless!
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