Quotes for Survival

These are some quotes that helped me while I was still pregnant with Stella to deal with her impending death.  They helped me to press on through the days with faith, hope, and love.  I hope they can be helpful to you and others.  I don't know the author of these, I got them from a website that didn't have them listed. God bless!

“Don’t cry because it’s over.  Smile because it happened.”

“Life is not about how many breaths you take, but about the moments that take your breath away.”

“I once held an angel in my arms, now I hold her in my heart.”

“A daughter is a beautiful reflection of God’s grace and love.”

“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you.”

“Faith is when you close your eyes and open your heart.”

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.”

“God’s little princess.”

“When God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”

“Spirit is the essence of who we are.”

“A sister is a gift to the heart”

“It is because we are different that each of us is special.”

“I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward.”

“Faith is brightness in the midst of darkness.”

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.”

(ONE OF MY FAVORITES!)   -

"Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God."

“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him.  So now I give her to the Lord”

“When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.”

(ANOTHER FAVORITE)  -  “There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love.”

"Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."

“From the moment I saw you, my heart opened up to even more love.”

“Daddy, a daughter’s first love.”

“My finger may be tiny but I can still wrap my Daddy around it.”

“Always on our minds; Forever in our hearts”

(ANOTHER FAVORITE) - "God gave the most precious gift to me~ As He did so he whispered so tenderly, "This child I give you is not yours to keep, When I call her Home, please do not weep.  For I will take her by the hand, across my bridge of love, Together we will fly to my Golden Gates above, Where she can play in the sand, as soft as a sigh, The sun will always shine on her, in a summer blue sky, Her playmates will be Angels with gossamer wings, Her own spiritual mother, a sweet lullaby she sings, I'll welcome home, this child, so precious in my sight, She'll be safe at last, a child of Gods light.  So do not grieve when the time comes, she's forever in my care, Behind Heavens Doorway, she will wait for you there.”

"Sometimes love is for a moment. Sometimes love is for a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is a lifetime"

“I held you in my arms for 2 hours, now I hold you in my heart forever.”

"Be happy for this moment... this moment is your life."

“To live in hearts we leave behind, Is not to die”

April 5th

        April 5^th, no longer just my nephew's birthday but a date that will hold hard memories.  That is the date we found out that our daughter, Stella, was going to die.  It will forever be a date where we hold our breath and remember.  I have already gone over the emotions of that day in a previous blog but what I have not gone over were some of the crazy thoughts that went through my head.  It is really hard for me to admit these thoughts but I want others to know that irrational thoughts can be normal and they are not something to be ashamed of.  After we were told that she would die and we were driving home processing the information, I had thoughts about why she was still alive?  Why couldn’t she have just died early on and then I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this?  I thought that a miscarriage would have been so much easier and I had a fleeting wish for her to just die right then so I wouldn’t have to deal with the upcoming uncertain months.  I was also upset that we had found out about Stella’s anencephaly and I wished that we could have not known so that we could have lived in ignorant bliss.  These thoughts didn’t last very long, just the trip home, a mere 15 minutes.  I haven’t shared them with many people because I was ashamed of them.  It never crossed my mind to even contemplate an abortion/termination and yet I had wished for her to die.  I immediately asked for forgiveness and then I moved on, the shame gone.  I know now that these thoughts were just my way of starting the grief process.  It was a way of being in denial, or wanting to be, and of being angry and not wanting to be in the situation.  By owning up to these thoughts to a few people right away, and asking for forgiveness, I was able to move past them, not dwell on them, and continue the pregnancy with joy and faithfulness in my heart.         
     God truly has a plan and He planned for Stella to be with us full-term and to affect many people with her short life.  Now, I couldn’t imagine her dying right after we found out because I needed all of that time to get physical things ready to mother her and to also get my emotions ready to mother her during her short life.  I wouldn’t take back the two hours of life we had with her for any comfort on my part.  Jesus was holding me in His hands the whole time and He is the reason for any strength that I had during the process.  During my recent hour of adoration with the Eucharist, I looked back at the moment that Stella passed away and I wondered how I held it together.  I cried but only for a moment.  How did I smile after that?  How did I not cry out and be angry?  How did I have the strength to continue on that day?  The answer came to me, shouting in my head, it was because Jesus was with me.  It was because He was holding me, just as I was holding Stella.  He was loving His daughter as I was loving mine.  With Easter just a few days away, I can empathize and relate with Mary.  How amazing is she?  She knew that her child was going to die when she was pregnant and she watched Him suffer on the cross and die.  What faith and trust she had and yet she grieved.  That is a good example for me, I can have all the faith and trust in Jesus but yet it is okay to grieve, to be sad, and to miss our beloved.  Thank you Jesus, for carrying me through Stella’s death.  Thank you Jesus, for dying for my sins and for saving me so that I may one day join Stella in heaven with You.  Thank you, for everything.

Stella's footprints!





Stella's hand prints!



I felt like sharing Stella's hand prints and footprints with everyone.  I enjoy seeing these physical 'imprint' on this world.  It is amazing that over 8 months have gone by already.  I feel myself healing and that gives me mixed emotions.  While I am thankful that I am able to have happy memories and to move forward with living, I am also saddened that I am not as present with my thoughts about Stella.  Just today I realized, at 9:30pm, that I had not thought about Stella all day.  She was always with me, that was for sure but I didn't actively think or dwell on thoughts of her.  I know that this is a good thing and that it means that I am healing.  I am thankful for that.  I know that Stella wants that for me.  It is still hard not to feel a bit guilty or feel that I am forgetting about her.  I know that it is not true but you can't stop your feelings.  I didn't cry about it, it just hit me for a minute and then I moved on.  I am just so proud to be Stella's Mommy and that is the heart of it all!  I love you daughter!  God's blessings to all of you out there struggling with your own grief.  My prayers are with you.  Thanks to everyone who has supported us and continues to help us in living with our grief.  You will be rewarded in heaven.  -Bridget