We woke up the next morning anxious and solemn. We knew that the specialist was going to confirm what we were already told, that our daughter was going to die. My parents had stayed the night at our place and they watched Eliot while Jordec and I went to the appointment. We were nervous while we were waiting at the office. They called our name and I had my vitals taken. I remember that my blood pressure was perfect and that they were shocked by that. I think that I was in such a state of shock still that my body wasn't showing the signs of stress. The tech did the ultrasound and showed us all of the part of Stella. We saw her perfect, strong heart, all of her fingers and toes, and her beautiful face. She was perfect, except for her head. Her entire body was functional and working great. It was a small miracle as there are usually lots of other problems with Anecephalic babies, especially with their heart. Stella had the hiccups while the ultrasound was happening and she kept moving and making it difficult for the tech. We thought that was hilarious and we marveled at her tenacity and orneriness. We were told the same diagnosis as the day before, Anencephaly. We got some unforgettable pictures from the ultrasound, one with her hands together as if in prayer.
We then met with the doctor who explained that there were a million different reasons for Anencephly and nothing that we had done caused the defect. I was so grateful to know that and also to know that it is a rare condition. Unfortunately, since Stella had it, we are more likely to have another child with it. They told me I would have to take extra folic acid to lower our chances of having another baby with Anencephaly. They explain how the defect occurred and they also told us that it happened in the 4th week of pregnancy, before we even knew that we were pregnant. The doctor asked us her name and referred to her as Stella throughout our talk. It felt great to use her name over and over and to have her life validated already. The doctor even drew out things for us so that we could better understand what was happening. She told us that Stella had a greater risk of being stillborn than a risk-free pregnancy but that the majority make it to full-term. If she would be born alive, she had the chance of living for one breath or at the longest a couple of weeks. We prepared our self for her to die in the womb but we hoped and prayed for a few hours so that we could get to know her and have our families meet her. We left the doctor feeling better than the day before because we had some answers and information. It wasn't what we would prefer but it was better than not knowing anything.
We went home and told my parents everything that the doctors had said and we felt that if we could make it to full-term and have a little bit of time with her that we would be able to easier deal with everything.
I told my parents to go home as my Mom was helping to take care of my Grandmother. Jordec's family came over later that night and we told them everything that we knew. More family came and visited the next few days and we told them all that we knew. We were so thankful for all of the visitors as it allowed us to talk about Stella. We were so proud to have a daughter that we wanted to talk about her even if the subject was sad. It was also nice to have family over as it gave us a nice distraction from our thoughts. We needed the break from the stress and family allowed for us to laugh and relieve that tension. I cannot stress enough how much the smallest token of support helped us. The cards, visits, and phone calls that we received meant so much. It helped to feel all of the love from other people which helped support us.
If you don't have the support out there from your family and friends, then you need to find it through support groups or other networks. It will make the difference between making it through with grace or struggling day by day.
The hardest thing that I did on this second day was to pack up all of the baby stuff that I had prepared. I was doing okay with most of it until I came across a blanket that my Grandma Wiese had made for me. I had always wanted to pass it down onto my own daughter someday. That was really hard for me. The rest of the stuff was Eliot's old clothes or things that were gender neutral. I had not bought anything for Stella specifically as we were waiting to know the gender first. I just had to put it all away. I saved the special blanket until I knew what I wanted to do with it but everything else we packed up and sent home with my parents. I couldn't bear to look at it all and I wanted Eliot's room back to normal. By doing this, I changed my perception of the situation. Before, we were preparing to bring a baby home but now, we were preparing to bury one. I needed the visual shift in our living arrangements so that I could better come to terms with what we were dealing with. This helped a lot and I was able to think about all of the other things that we had to do before Stella arrived. All of that information will come in Stella's Story Part 3: Preparation, pt. 1 (tasks). Until next time, God bless!
