Waves of Emotion

    It is amazing how emotions work.  I really wish there was a simple way to control them and deal with them.  It is true that they are like waves.  Have you ever tried to control the ocean waves?  All you can do with them is ride them into shore, or just try to keep your head above water.  Tonight I got hit with a 10-story wave.  I had been working out and I was diving home and a huge wave came at me from the side and wiped me out.  I broke down crying in the car and the only thing I could think of was how much I WANTED Stella.  I was pissed off and sad that she wasn't here with me and I felt like it was so unfair.  The wave rolled over me and hit me multiple times.  I got home and hugged Jordec, told him how I felt and Eliot came and hugged me too.  Eliot gets so concerned when I am sad and crying.  Jordec calmed me down and I love him so much.  Eliot gave me a tissue to wipe my tears, he is so sweet!  I sat and listened to some quiet music on my ipod and found some peace.  The crying was a nice stress relief and, although it sound weird, it felt good to feel sad and miss Stella.  It is nice to know that I still feel that way.  Sometimes life gets in the way and I start to feel that I am moving on too quickly from Stella's death.  I like knowing that Stella is still in the forefront of my mind and that I want her so badly in my life.  I worry that since her life was so short that her impact on me and everyone was not very deep.  I should have known her life would have been so impactful that it would affect more people than we even could imagine.  I have started training for a half marathon, 13.1 miles, in Stella's honor.  Jordec is doing it to, along with some family, friends, co-workers, and some people that we don't even know.  Please pray for us as our physical and emotional journey during the marathon training is sure to have it's ups and downs.  I am still learning to roll with the emotions but I think that as long as I acknowledge and express them, and don't supress them, then I will do okay.  As always, God bless!  Here are the lyrics to a song that helps me through those times when I feel like the situation is unfair. 

   "Praise You In This Storm"
       by: Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth