About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

November 20, 2011

Thanksgiving

    My family celebrated Thanksgiving today.  It was such a wonderful day!  I love seeing the family.  I wish we had more time so that I could visit with everyone but there are just too many of us.  I enjoyed talking to some and playing outside with others.  Of course, the food was delicious and we all ate too much. 
     We stopped by Stella's grave site and visited with her a bit.  Her godparents came out too and stayed with us there for a few minutes.  We brought the photo book I made for Stella from all of the pictures of her life, death, and burial.  I am so proud of it and it was a great form of therapy for me.   You can visit http://stellasue.shutterfly.com/ and see Stella's webpage as well as the photo book that I made.  I journaled in the book to help me remember the emotions and actions of the day.  There was so many things packed into so few hours that I wanted to get it all down before my memory is faded.  I also added many quotes, poems, and song lyrics that have meant a lot to me and have helped me in our journey with Stella.  One of my favorite moments of the day Stella was born is when Father came back in the afternoon to visit again.  He said a wonderful blessing for all of us and we prayed the Our Father, all holding hands.  After that he said he was reminded of a song, "In This Very Room".  Nobody else seemed to know the song, so he sang a few lines of it.  My sister-in-law looked it up later and played the song at Stella's funeral.  It is such a wonderful song and every time I hear it I think of all of the love that we had in the hospital room.  I think the walls would have burst if there would have been any more love in that room.  Jesus was for sure there with us!  
     Small things, like quotes, can have a great impact on your emotions.  When emotions are expressed beautifully, their meaning can be enhanced.  I read quotes and poems often while waiting for Stella's arrival.  I think they were therapeutic and calming.  Find what works for you and do it often!  Anything, no matter how small, if it helps you through your grief, through the process, then it is worth it!  God bless! 
   Here are the lyrics to "In This Very Room".

In this very room there's quite enough love for one like me,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for one like me,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

And in this very room there's quite enough love for all of us,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all of us,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

In this very room there's quite enough love for all the world,
And in this very room there's quite enough joy for all the world,
And there's quite enough hope and quite enough power to chase away any gloom,
For Jesus, Lord Jesus ... is in this very room.

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