About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

April 2, 2012

Stella's footprints!


Stella's hand prints!

I felt like sharing Stella's hand prints and footprints with everyone.  I enjoy seeing these physical 'imprint' on this world.  It is amazing that over 8 months have gone by already.  I feel myself healing and that gives me mixed emotions.  While I am thankful that I am able to have happy memories and to move forward with living, I am also saddened that I am not as present with my thoughts about Stella.  Just today I realized, at 9:30pm, that I had not thought about Stella all day.  She was always with me, that was for sure but I didn't actively think or dwell on thoughts of her.  I know that this is a good thing and that it means that I am healing.  I am thankful for that.  I know that Stella wants that for me.  It is still hard not to feel a bit guilty or feel that I am forgetting about her.  I know that it is not true but you can't stop your feelings.  I didn't cry about it, it just hit me for a minute and then I moved on.  I am just so proud to be Stella's Mommy and that is the heart of it all!  I love you daughter!  God's blessings to all of you out there struggling with your own grief.  My prayers are with you.  Thanks to everyone who has supported us and continues to help us in living with our grief.  You will be rewarded in heaven.  -Bridget

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