About Me

I have a wonderful husband, Jordec, and we have been married since 2007. We have a son, Eliot, who was born in 2008 and our daughter, Stella, was born in 2011. Stella passed away after two hours of life. We were told her death was going to happen while we were 5 months along in the pregnancy and we prepared as best as we could for her arrival and death. We will claim her and love her forever. As I tried to understand what was happening, I realized that there is not very much information out there about dealing with infant death and, more specifically, dealing with an impending death of your unborn child. It was difficult to navigate through the emotions while feeling alone and uninformed. As I try to figure out how to live life now that Stella is gone, I realized that the grief literature is also slim when it comes to infant death and, again, especially when it comes to impending unborn death. I felt that if nothing else, my thoughts might help someone else understand that they are not alone and that what they are going through has happened to someone else.

December 8, 2011

What Faith Can Do

"What Faith Can Do" - by: Kutless

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

*After we found out about Stella's diagnosis, I would sit and cry to this song.  It gave me such a sense of peace to know that no matter what happens, it was in God's hands.  I knew that my only job was to keep the faith going.  I still listen to that song a lot and I cry sometimes and sometimes I don't but no matter what, the sense of peace still washes over me.  I will take that peace any day of the week!  It's all about finding what works for you.  It changes everyday for me.  Today I just enjoyed Eliot while we cuddled on the couch.  The peace was there during that.  I don't want to 'get better', I will never be 'better'.  I am a different person now.  That's just the way it is.  All I want, is to feel at peace.  God bless you and I pray for you to feel the peace too.

Next post: Stella's Story Part 4: To Donate, or Not to Donate - our journey through deciding to donate Stella's liver.
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